Temenos

Temenos is a 'practical vision' for a non-hierarchical, non-professional, wholistic Australian community network, which provides workable, compassionate, non-coercive and cost-effective alternatives to the Mental Health System, drug-based (biologic) psychiatry and hospitals for persons experiencing an acute crisis in living. Temenos places equal focus upon human rights advocacy for persons in the 'Mental Health System' who have been diagnosed as having a 'mental illness'.

'Non-professional' denotes, firstly, that Temenos does not assume that professional 'mental health' training and education automatically translate into an ability to help persons in an acute personal crisis; secondly, it implies that the work of Temenos is largely voluntary, that is, 'amateur', or based on compassion, not on a desire for 'professional' financial gain. As a consequence of the relatively high fees charged by professional 'mental health' persons, a vast, disempowering, socio-economic gap persists
between 'professionals' and (usually financially poor) persons in crisis.

suicidal thinking as an addiction

obsessive suicidal thoughts drove her to three drug overdoses and three confinements in psychiatric wards.
Susan Rose Blauner knew the killer stalking her for 18 years: It was her own mind.

During that time, obsessive suicidal thoughts drove her to three drug overdoses and three confinements in psychiatric wards.

Through a combination of spirituality, 10 years of intense psychotherapy, her own fierce determination, and the loving support of family and friends, Blauner gained control over what she terms an "addiction" to suicide.

"I see suicidal thinking as an addiction. For me, it became an addiction just like alcohol is to an alcoholic. With stress, I reach for suicidal thinking," Blauner says.

She recounts her experiences and offers advice in her new book, How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention. Blauner calls it a hands-on guide for those plagued by suicidal thoughts, their families and friends, and mental health professionals.

"I started writing the book about 10 years ago, and I was actually suicidal through most of the time I was writing it," says Blauner, 36, who lives on Cape Cod, Mass.

As she wrestled with her self-destructive demons, she searched for a book on suicide prevention that was written by an ordinary person with firsthand experience. "I wanted a book that would tell me how not to kill myself," Blauner says.

She couldn't find the kind of book she wanted, so she decided to write one herself.

Listen to our radio show on Attempting Suicide and Coping with Suicidal Thoughts
using windows media player

What would drive someone to actually try and kill themselves? For years, our guest, Melanie, was told she was worthless, lazy, crazy, and would never amount to anything. She and other callers share their stories of suicide attempts and how they feel about surviving. Dr. Kumar provides insight into psychological aspects of suicide.
"It gives a very unique perspective in that it's coming from the mind of a suicidal thinker. The book is very empathetic and compassionate. It's really a conversation between myself and the reader, whether they're the suicidal thinker or the caregiver," Blauner says.

She wants those haunted by suicidal thoughts to know they're not alone, and that they shouldn't be ashamed to reach out for help.

"It's a real in-your-face book. The thing I realized is that most suicidal thinkers don't want to be dead, they just don't want to feel the pain anymore in their brains," Blauner says.

Her book, which carries a foreword by Dr. Bernie S. Siegel, provides suicidal thinkers with ways to keep from taking their life so they can buy the time to learn how they can reduce their emotional pain. It includes a list of coping strategies that Blauner calls her "25 Tricks of the Trade."

Those strategies include asking for help, using suicide emergency hotlines, having a crisis plan, gaining an understanding of your feelings, signing no-harm-to-self agreements, therapy, exercise and keeping a journal.

The book also has important messages for family and friends of suicidal people. It includes letters from Blauner's family and friends describing their experiences and feelings when Blauner was actively suicidal.

"Caregivers can see that they're not alone, and that it's OK to be angry and still love the person. It's OK to be confused. It's OK to not have all the answers," Blauner says.

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People who have lost a loved one to suicide can find some solace in the book and ease their guilt that they could have done more to prevent the suicide.

"They see that, in that moment, there's such constricted vision and tunnel vision for the suicidal thinker that the rest of the world doesn't even exist. It's just you and this brain that's telling you that you want to be dead," Blauner says.

Writing the book was a form of therapy for her.

"It helped me make sense of why I had to struggle for 18 years. There's a reason for this. So now I can give back to the world so that someone else does not have to struggle."

She says she'll donate 10 percent of any royalty profits from the book to the National Hopeline Network, Kristin Brooks Hope Center, a suicide prevention hotline.

Blauner says she recently experienced an "epiphany" that suicidal thinking doesn't have to be a part of her life anymore.

"I'm as healed as I can be in the moment," she says. "I'm pretty convinced that I'm never going to kill myself, but I can't say that those thoughts won't ever occur to me again in my life."

Her life is now one of ongoing vigilance. For example, she has to ensure she doesn't create any undue stress that may trigger suicidal thoughts. Those stressors include such things as being tired and hungry.

Blauner admits that suicide is still a difficult subject for people to discuss.

"One of my goals is to really bust it out in terms of the stigma of mental illness, and just get people talking about it," she says.

Each year in the United States, about 30,000 people commit suicide and there are about 730,000 suicide attempts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students and the third leading cause of death for people aged 15 to 24.

The National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or for a crisis center in your area, go here.

RELATED LINKS AND INFO
Understanding and Helping the Suicidal Person
Depression: Understanding Thoughts of Suicide
Frequently Asked Questions About Suicide
Suicide in Youth: What You Can Do About It
All About Teen Suicide
The Suicide of Older Men and Women
Feeling Suicidal? How To Help Yourself
Reasons for Living Can Prevent Suicide During Depression
Psychotherapy in Treating the Chronically Suicidal Patient
Handling A Phone Call From A Suicidal Person
Suicide Facts, Suicide Statistics
Suicide Risk Runs in Families
High-Suicide Families Eyed By Genetic Scientists
Suicide: The Risk is Lifelong for Those Who've Tried It Once

the results of one codependent relationship ...

I don't believe Amedeo was ever again able to sleep soundly. There were times when he awoke in the middle of the night screaming and screaming with a voice neither of us recognized as his own.

The excitation-patterns of abuse had been stamped into him for years.

On another colourful occasion, I surreptitiously called the police. When they arrived, I begged them to commit Aldo, I was hysterical, quartered by grief. The two young blue-shirted men were mortified - so kind, and so completely impotent. My mother's signature was required for him to be committed and so the whole deal fell through. She wasn't signing anything.

Aldo knew this. Exuberant in his supremacy, he then delivered one of his most extraordinarily insane monologues to the two men (his eyes rolling back into his head, the bolts in his neck turning, hair sprouting from his palms, lightning forking so dramatically in the background, a raven perched on each of his hunched shoulders, et cetera).

Mother stood and gazed at all of us with minimal recognition, a deliriously and deliberately vacuous monster. She was dressed, I think, in lemon chiffon. New jewels, the usual four-inch-heeled mules. Her son's blood was on the wall (and on the tables, sinks, doors and her husband's hands), but this was irrelevant. Unpleasant truths had no place in her life. Reality was such a bore and anyway, it was nothing to do with her, nothing at all: it wasn't really happening, it was a dream. Her denial mechanism reduced all hate-crimes to a trick of light.

“When a codependent dies, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes!”

“Codependency is an emotional, behavioral, and psychological pattern of coping which develops as a result of prolonged exposure to and practice of a dysfunctional set of family rules. In turn, these rules make difficult or impossible the open expression of thoughts and feelings. Normal identity development is thereby interrupted; codependency is the reflection of a delayed identity development.”

Though originally defined as a predictable response for the partner of a person suffering from chemical dependency, codependency is now recognized as a maladaptive strategy that people typically utilize, in their efforts to cope with a wide range of life stressors. Codependency is, essentially, an addiction to another person; the compulsive need to control that part of their life that is out-of-control. It has been said that “When a codependent dies, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes!”

5,400,000 people in the United States alone who are suffering from alcoholism.

5,400,000 people in the United States alone who are suffering from alcoholism. 4,500,000 of them are males while 900,000 are females. (Encyclopedia Britannica) More than 55,000 people aged 15-29 across Europe die each year as a result of alcohol-related road accidents, poisoning, suicide and murders according to the World Health Organization. (European Public Health Alliance, Dec 2004) Again as with smoking the children of parents consuming alcohol are more likely to become victims of the ills of alcoholism. Fetal alcohol syndrome is well known for causing developmental disorders, mental retardation and birth defects in fetuses of women who consume alcohol during the course of their pregnancy. (Welch-Carre E, Adv Neonatal Care, Aug 2005) In a study by Rivara FP et al., the risk of homicide was shown to increase for non-substance-abusing persons living with other members who abused alcohol and drugs. (JAMA, Aug 1997) Studies by the Bowles Center for Alcohol Studies at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, indicate that about 15 percent of the US national health care budget is spent each year treating patients with alcohol related problems. In purely economic terms, alcohol-associated problems cost the society about $185 billion per year. In human terms, costs cannot be calculated. (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 2001) Scientists believe that the presence of certain factors in an individual’s environment influence whether a person who is genetically at risk of alcoholism would ever develop the disease. The risk for developing alcoholism can increase depending on the person’s environment, including culture, economic status and living condition; family, friends, peer pressure; and accessibility of alcohol. A study by Noris J, from the University of Washington reports that: "both alcohol consumption and violent pornography have been implicated independently in the commission of sexual aggression. In addition to alcohol consumption, the presence of alcohol in the context of violent pornography may act as a permissive cue to influence judgments of such material's acceptability and self-reported likelihood of engaging in sexually violent behavior." (J Stud Alcohol Suppl. Sep 1993) In some developing countries the rich classes evening entertainment, means hours of intensive drinking. The quality and number of bottles consumed has become a symbol of status. The reason can be searched in sudden agricultural and economic development, resulting in cultural adaptation of western life style and the affluent attitude toward alcohol as a status symbol. (Dr. Gupta R, The Tribune, online edition, Apr 2002) Here the danger lies again for children who in imitating their parents and elders, fall into risky behaviors including alcohol, drugs, and sex. There is indeed a very high correlation between these three risky behaviors. The increasing reliance on television, alcohol, and gambling as the most common outlets for stress and tensions, and the predominant form of entertainment is a devastating social behavior with far reaching consequences.

The effects of Porn addiction

Through internet, videos, cable television, satellite and magazines, pornography has become accessible to almost everyone. By its powerful appeal, pornography leads many into sexual addiction which has many harmful side effects. According to Ybarra ML, in a study about children and adolescence who, are exposed to pornography "those who report intentional exposure to pornography, irrespective of source, are significantly more likely to report delinquent behavior and substance use in the previous year. Further, online seekers versus offline seekers are more likely to report clinical features associated with depression and lower levels of emotional bonding with their caregiver" (J Psychosoc Nurs Ment Health Serv. Sep 2005) Another study by Frei et al, in Switzerland demonstrates the clear relationship of widespread access to pornographic materials on internet with the emergence of "deviant sexual fantasies in men with no previous record of any offences". (Swiss Med Wkly. Aug 2005) According the Maitse T, "There has been a failure to recognize that pornography degrades and disempowers women in the home, workplace, and broader society. Like prostitution, pornography contributes to the creation of an image of women as objects--a view that facilitates rape and domestic violence. The pornography industry both creates and feeds on men's need to control women". (Gend Dev. Nov 1998) In another study Dr. Victor Cline has described the progressive nature of addiction to pornography. Once addicted, a person’s carving for pornography becomes more frequent and more deviant. Becoming desensitized to the material, the individual does not get a thrill from a previously exciting material any longer. Eventually, all these together (increased craving and desensitization), forces many addicts to act out their fantasies on others. (New York: Morality in Media, 1999) Though no one seriously advocates the legalization of cocaine or heroin, however, somehow the pornography industry has managed to convince a large share of the population to accept that viewing porn is not only harmless, but is also a right. By ignoring pornography's true nature as highly addictive and destructive material, we are going to face seriously troubled times. According to Dr. Patrick Carnes, about 3-6 percent of Americans are sexually addicted. That is as many as 20 million people. (Sex Addiction Q&A, May 2005) Not being limited to individuals, however; the epidemic of pornography is one of the leading reasons for family breakdown today. Attending a meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2002, two-thirds of the divorce lawyers indicated that excessive interest in online porn did contribute to more than 50% of divorces they dealt with that year. They also added that pornography almost did not have a role in divorce about seven or eight year earlier. (PR Newswire, Nov 2002) The devastation is not limited to adults either. In an estimate, the US Department of Justice states that about nine out of 10 children of ages 8 to 16 have been exposed to online pornography

Emotions Anonymous group and it's purpose.

Emotions Anonymous is ABOUT emotions and how I react, respond and deal with my emotional 'stuff', in particular how my life has become nearly unlivable due to my emotional 'dis-eases'. The Program of Emotions Anonymous is about how I can work this 12 Step Program to live one day at a time in better sanity and serenity.


The basis of my 'problem' is powerlessness over my emotions. Period. Not alchohol, not drugs, but my emotional responses to life. I may also have these addictions or compulsions as well, but my underlying issue is emotional.

I personally have suffered from low grade depression most of my life although no one would guess it unless they knew me intimately. I have also had periods of anxiety and panic attacks so disturbing I was afraid to eat (anorexia), afraid to go outside (agorophobia) and other 'emotional' illnesses.

The Program of Emotions Anonymous has helped me to become sane again.

STEP 8 - "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all."

"Making amends helps us let go of the past. If we are wiling to make amends - and make them- we will be free to meet people and situations without fear. Our Higher Power will provide the opportunity for doing so."

I was first on my list. I was so hard on myself I made my emotional pain and illness worse with my own recriminations, denial, frustration and self-loathing.

Honesty and acceptance were keys to Step 8 and taking some time...step 4 helped to make the list.

There are so many ways to do a Step 8, it's worth checking with fellowship and or your sponsor.

One exercise recommends 9 weeks - just with index cards....one for each person, institution etc. Put the name of each one of the cards than put them away or carry them for 30 days.
Without referring to the cards write about what will be the benefits of making these amends? Put this with the cards or carry this around with you.
After 30 days take out the cards and make a brief note on each why/what the amends needs to be - an apology, express appreciation, forgiveness, time, money, a change of attitude or other. Put them away again for another 30 days.
When you go back and look at the amends are there people who might be harmed by your amends? Are there people that really require an amends or is this just about you feeling guilty? If in doubt, check it out with EA fellow, sponsor, 5th step person.

This step says we need only be willing. sometimes an amend cannot be made. Perhaps a specific amend can never be made - but we were willing to make it if it had been possible.

selfhelp books for gamblers

Combo Book
Designed as an introduction to Gamblers Anonymous as well as the Recovery and Unity Programs. Is the most widely used piece of literature GA has, as it is read at almost all GA groups. Also, this is generally given freely to newcomers, to help them understand what GA is about. Contains the 20 Questions on pages 15 and 16.
Sponsorship Manual
A question and answer format presented to help understand the concept of sponsorship as it applies to Gamblers Anonymous and the recovery process. An invaluable tool for those sponsoring someone as much as those seeking a sponsor.

Towards 90 Days
This booklet is designed to help a compulsive gambler through the early days in the Fellowship. Contained within these pages, one will find practical advice that has been tried and tested down through the years by many compulsive gamblers. Also included within this booklet is an introduction to Gam-Anon, for those significant others involved with a compulsive gambler.

Beyond 90 Days
This booklet, one of the newest pieces of literature introduced by Gamblers Anonymous, is for those who have been in the Fellowship more than 90 days - in some cases for many years. On the road of recovery, many obstacles confront compulsive gamblers. This booklet tries to confront some of those obstacles.

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general.
The fact that dysfunction exists in our romantic, family, and human relationships is a symptom of the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with life, with being human. It is a symptom of the dysfunction which exists in our relationships with ourselves as human beings.

And the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with ourselves is a symptom of Spiritual dis-ease, of not being in balance and harmony with the universe, of feeling disconnected from our Spiritual source."

Co-dependent people may also have difficulty owning their own feelings

Co-dependent people may also have difficulty owning their own feelings. While everyone experiences a wide range of feelings, co-dependent people tend to experience them in a way that completely overwhelms them. This is because their feelings may have been minimized in the past- possibly for years. To deal with this, they desperately begin to seek affirmation of their thoughts and feelings. In doing so, they begin to place more importance on other people's opinions than on their own. They have learned not to trust their own feelings, and eventually cannot even recognize them, since they are so accustomed to "feeling the way they 'should feel'" in certain situations.

Co-dependency can be called an other-addiction.

The other that they are addicted to may or may not be another person. If it is a person, they may or may not be chemically dependent. The co-dependent could be addicted to approval or affirmation of others. They could only be happy if others "make 'them feel happy. They also can be "If-only" addicted. If only XYZ would happen, then they think they will be happy. They are looking for people, things, or circumstances outside of themselves, or how others react to them to bring them happiness.

a "people pleaser" and will do almost anything to get the approval of others

Have a long history of focusing your thoughts and behaviour on other people.
Are a "people pleaser" and will do almost anything to get the approval of others.
Seem very competent on the outside but on the inside feel quite needy, helpless, or perhaps nothing at all.
Have experienced abuse or emotional neglect as a child.
Are outwardly focused towards others, and know very little about how to direct your own life from your own sense of self.

I have many times taken pride in the fact that I am a "helper" with others, and I can easily postpone or deny my own needs.

Without even realizing that it is happening, I find myself focusing on others needs even at my own expense.
When it is my turn to receive help from others I usually decline, as I am uneasy when others focus their attention on me.
I have many times taken pride in the fact that I am a "helper" with others, and I can easily postpone or deny my own needs.
I feel the best about myself when I am giving advice and/or handling a crisis situation.
Many times I have waited for others to take care of me in return, only to discover that it is never my turn.
Sometimes I am so focused on one person that I can only think about that person and how to help them.
I take good care of my friends. Most people like me because of what I can do for them.

She blames others for her unhappiness and problems, and feels that it's other people's fault that she's unhappy.

"The irony is that as much as a "codependent" feels responsibility for others and takes care of others, she believes deep down that other people are responsible for her. She blames others for her unhappiness and problems, and feels that it's other people's fault that she's unhappy.

Another irony is that while she feels controlled by people and events, she herself is overly controlling. She is afraid of allowing other people to be who they are and of allowing events to happen naturally. An expert in knowing best how things should turn out and how people should behave, the codependent person tries to control others through threats, coercion, advice giving, helplessness, guilt, manipulation, or domination."

The Roots of Addiction

A Matter of Control
Codependency, for others, doesn't express itself in a desire to control, but instead, in the need to be controlled by others. Because it is nearly impossible for Codependents to say "no" to people, they may find themselves the victims in physically and emotionally abusive relationships. They believe that if they can be good enough, or loving enough, they can change the other person's behavior. They sometimes blame themselves for the abusive behavior: "If only I had not forgotten to do the dishes, he would not have had to hit me."

General rules set-up within families that may cause codependency may include:

It’s not okay to talk about problems
Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself
Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation
Be strong, good, right, perfect
Make us proud beyond realistic expectations
Don’t be selfish
Do as I say not as I do
It’s not okay to play or be playful
Don’t rock the boat.