Cigarette smoking. Bill smoked himself to death, and died of emphysema and pneumonia

After the initial rush of health that comes from quitting drinking, many people become more aware of the harm that smoking is doing to their bodies. They start to feel very depressed when they realize that they are still sick and addicted, and might die from it. But Bill wouldn't talk about that, because he was a totally addicted cigarette smoker who never quit. (Remember, we started this web page with the "spiritual" story of how Bill or one of his buddies wouldn't quit smoking.) Bill smoked himself to death, and died of emphysema and pneumonia, while telling people that smoking was okay. Bill didn't tell people to quit smoking if they felt depressed and discouraged, and wanted to feel better. He just told them to practice the Twelve Steps more. Bill was insane.


Continuing with that quote, Bill said that something bad will eventually happen in your life. I agree. It's Murphy's Law. Something bad will always happen, eventually, sooner or later. Bill said that you won't be able to handle it unless you do Bill's Twelve Steps. I disagree. There is absolutely no evidence that the Twelve Steps make you better able to handle those nasty blows and hard knocks that life can deliver, and Bill offered us no evidence of that, either.

Then, in another verbal shell game, more slick double-talk, Bill arbitrarily declared that we surely have a chance if we switch to doing all twelve of his steps, and if we also receive the grace of God. Yes, and I surely have a chance of winning the lottery, if I buy a ticket. But how much of a chance? There is not necessarily any connection between doing Bill's Twelve Steps, and receiving grace from God, but Bill deceptively linked them together in one sentence, as if he had a special exclusive wholesale distribution arrangement with God — as if God would give you His grace only if you were willing to do all twelve of Bill Wilson's Steps. What incredible arrogance. That's Bill's insane delusions of grandeur, again. That's "The patient thinks he has a special relationship with a deity", again.

And if you read those lines carefully, you will see that Bill was actually saying that the strength comes from receiving the grace of God — "that grace of God which can sustain and strengthen us in any catastrophe" — not from doing Bill's Twelve Steps, but Bill still wanted us to do all twelve of his Steps anyway.

Bill would not let even Lois, who was dying to do so, write the chapter titled "To Wives."

Bill would not let even Lois, who was dying to do so, write the chapter titled "To Wives." After all, she was the wife who had endured Bill's drunken years and the houseful of alcoholics he was trying to wrestle into sobriety. "I have never known why he didn't want me to write about the wives, and it hurt me at first," she said.
Getting Better Inside Alcoholics Anonymous, Nan Robertson, pages 70-71.

Alexander Lowen describes the development of a narcissistic personality disorder in a way that is reminiscent of Bill Wilson's childhood:

Alexander Lowen describes the development of a narcissistic personality disorder in a way that is reminiscent of Bill Wilson's childhood:

All of us are vulnerable to being hurt, rejected, or humiliated. Yet not all of us deny our feelings, try to project an image of invulnerability and superiority or to strive for power. The difference lies in our childhood experiences. As children, narcissists suffer what analysts describe as a severe narcissistic injury, a blow to self-esteem that scars and shapes their personalities. This injury entials humiliation, specifically the experience of being powerlessness while another person enjoys the exercise of power and control over one. I don't believe that a single experience shapes character, but when a child is constantly exposed to humiliation in one form or another, the fear of humiliation becomes structured in the body and the mind. Such a person could easily vow: "When I grow up, I'll get power, and neither you nor anyone else will be able to do this to me again." Unfortunately, as we will see, such narcissistic injuries happen to many children in our society because parents often use power to control their children for their own personal ends.
Narcissism, Denial of the True Self, Alexander Lowen, M.D., pages 76-77.
And Bill's completely unrealistic picture of the alcoholic's family life is explained by denial:


The narcissist faces the risk of being overwhelmed by feelings and going wild, crazy, or mad, should his defense of denial break down. This is especially true of anger. Every narcissist is afraid of going crazy, because the potential for insanity is in his personality. This fear reinforces the denial of feeling, creating a vicious circle.
Narcissism, Denial of the True Self, Alexander Lowen, M.D., page 155.
That also explains Bill's strange attitude about anger. Bill insisted that you couldn't be angry at all — no matter what the reason — that it was very "unspiritual" to be angry about anything:


It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about "justifiable" anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? Can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us in A.A. these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, William Wilson, page 90.
And Dr. Lowen explained the suppressed anger this way:


The need to project and maintain an image forces the person to prevent any feeling from reaching consciousness that would conflict with the image.
Narcissism, Denial of the True Self, Alexander Lowen, M.D., page 48.
That also gives us one cause for Bill Wilson's chronic, crippling, and long-lasting fits of depression:


Suppressed anger is a leading cause of depression.
Anger, Controlling the Fireworks, www.baptisteast.com/ANG001.htm
And another cause for the depression is that narcissists tend become depressed whenever someone contradicts their grandiose delusions. Bill certainly had enough to be depressed over. He could see with his own eyes that his so-called "spiritual program for recovery" had almost a 100% failure rate.


Narcissistic need is tremendous. Just as sharks must continually swim to keep from drowning, Narcissists must constantly demonstrate that they are special, or they will sink like stones to the depths of depression.
Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., page 130.

Unless the subject of the conversation is how great they are, Narcissistic vampires will become visibly bored. One of the main reasons Narcissists wear expensive watches is so they can look at them when someone else is talking.
Besides boredom, Narcissistic vampires have only two other emotional states. They're either on top of the world or on the bottom of the garbage heap. The slightest frustration can burst their balloon and send them crashing to the depths.
Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., page 136.

Bill having a nasty problem with delusions of grandeur. Bill Wilson's life in the period of 1930 to 1934 was like this:

His hangovers and hallucinations were becoming more frequent. He panhandled and stole from his wife's purse. He would ride the subways for hours after buying a bottle of bootleg gin, talking gibberish to frightened strangers. He threw a sewing machine at Lois and stormed around their house in Brooklyn kicking out door panels. She called him a "drunken sot." He would be sober for days and weeks and then settle into bottomless bingeing. He barely ate. He was forty pounds underweight. His dark, withdrawn periods alternated with delusions of grandeur. Once he told Lois that "men of genius" conceived their best projects when drunk.
Getting Better Inside Alcoholics Anonymous, Nan Robertson, pages 42-43.
Nan Robertson implied that Bill Wilson's delusions of grandeur disappeared after he quit drinking, but Bill's writings do not show that. Neither does the rest of the literature about Alcoholics Anonymous.

The Big Book clearly shows that Bill Wilson was insane

The Big Book clearly shows that Bill Wilson was insane. Not just a little bit crazy, not funny crazy, but really crazy, genuinely insane, clinically diagnosable. Mr. Wilson was suffering from paranoid delusions of grandeur and a messianic complex, or a narcissistic personality disorder — or perhaps some crazy combination of all of them.

Wilson was insane while he was drinking: he was suicidally drinking immense, almost superhuman, quantities of cheap rotgut whiskey or gin, one or two or even more fifths of it per day — "Drinking to Die" is what A.A. calls it. In the Big Book, (chapter 1, page 5, 3rd edition) either Bill Wilson or Joe Worth wrote in Bill's Story:
"'Bathtub' gin, two bottles a day, and often three, got to be routine."


The Prohibition-era "Bathtub gin" was infamous for being poisonous. It was occasionally contaminated with methyl alcohol ("wood alcohol"), which is terribly poisonous, and causes immense neural damage, if not blindness and death.

Even ordinary uncontaminated ethyl alcohol kills brain cells. Every big drunk where you wake up with a hang-over kills roughly 100,000 brain cells. Then malnutrition and thiamine deficiency can lead to a horrifying condition called Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome where you suffer such massive brain damage that you lose your short-term memory and ability to learn or remember anything new.

The A.A. saying is, "John Barleycorn promises us insanity or death." And it's true.

Even Bill Wilson himself reported that problem. Bill recorded a set of autobiographical tapes before his death, which the Hazelden Foundation then used as source material to write an "autobiography" of Bill Wilson. Bill quoted Dr. William D. Silkworth as saying, in midsummer 1934, that he had originally had some hope for Bill, but...


"But his habit of drinking has now turned into an obsession, one much too deep to be overcome, and the physical effect of it on him has also been very severe, for he's showing some signs of brain damage. This is true even though he hasn't been hospitalized very much. Actually I'm fearful for his sanity if he goes on drinking."
Bill W., My First 40 Years, Bill W., page 116.

Bill Wilson felt entitled to quite a number of mistresses over the years, and even gave ten percent of Lois Wilson's inheritance to his favorite one,

(Well, unless that part about us good old boys being able to indulge in anything we want includes the right to bed the entire Swedish bikini ski team... Maybe it is divine wisdom.)
{And that joke isn't so far off: Bill Wilson felt entitled to quite a number of mistresses over the years, and even gave ten percent of Lois Wilson's inheritance to his favorite one, Helen Wynn, after Lois spent so many years working to support Bill while all that he did was steal more money out of her purse to go buy more booze.}

Bill Wilson died January 24, 1971, of emphysema and pneumonia.

And Bill W. did eventually die from that "okay" vice — from emphysema and pneumonia — desperately, futilely gasping for another breath from an oxygen mask. He didn't quit smoking until it was far too late for him, and tobacco had destroyed his lungs.
Score another victory for the Addiction Monster.

Francis Hartigan, Lois Wilson's private secretary, wrote:


By the time Ebby Thacher died in 1966, a victim of emphysema, Bill had been trying to quit smoking for more than twenty years. He'd also known since the early sixties that he had emphysema himself. Smoking had begun to impair his health in the 1940s, in the form of frequent colds and chronic bronchitis, and his breathing was noticeably labored from the mid-1960s onward. Yet even when his breathing became so problematic that he needed frequent doses of oxygen to get through the day, he smoked.
A number of visitors to Stepping Stones during Bill's last years report witnessing scenes in which Bill would be trying to decide whether to have more oxygen or another cigarette. Inevitably, the cigarette won out. Bill was thought to have finally quit smoking early in 1969, by which time his bouts with bronchitis had become struggles with pneumonia, but several people confirm that he was still smoking even after most everyone thought he had quit. He hid cigarettes in his car, and for as long as he was still well enough to drive, he smoked.
It seems beyond comprehension, but the evidence is inescapable. ... [Bill Wilson] literally smoked himself to death.
Bill W., A Biography of Alcoholics Anonymous Co-Founder Bill Wilson, Francis Hartigan, page 208.
Bill Wilson didn't bother to print a retraction, to warn his fellow A.A. members about tobacco, when he found out that he was dying. Bill was far too egotistical to admit that he had been wrong.

Bill Wilson died January 24, 1971, of emphysema and pneumonia.

In addition, there is now a lot of evidence that smoking makes all cancers worse, even if tobacco didn't cause the cancer in the first place. Tobacco smoke contains something like 50 different carcinogenic chemicals, and just the restriction of blood flow in the capillaries that tobacco causes makes it harder for the body to get blood with white blood cells and antibodies to the cancer, to attack and kill the cancer. Tobacco also cripples the immune system, which would also like to kill the cancer.

Doctor Bob died of prostate cancer, while puffing on those cigarettes to the bitter end.

Score another victory for the Addiction Monster.

"anonymous" author Bill Wilson labels her "intolerant" because she "really feels there is something rather sinful about these commodities."

The man is addicted to tobacco, and is smoking himself to death. His concerned wife is trying to save him from emphysema and lung cancer, but the "anonymous" author Bill Wilson labels her "intolerant" because she "really feels there is something rather sinful about these commodities."

Notice how the author Bill Wilson grouped coffee and tobacco in the same category, as mere "commodities", so that the wife would appear more intolerant. Bill also refused to look at the numerous health aspects of smoking, or the stink, or the second-hand smoke, or the expense; he only said that she feels that "these commodities" are "rather sinful." Bill implied that the housewife was just an intolerant uptight killjoy Puritanical nag.

Notice the powerful hidden assumption in this sentence: "He admitted he was overdoing these things, but frankly said that he was not ready to stop."


Oh? Somebody can continue doing whatever he is doing just because he frankly says that he isn't ready to stop?

When was the last time that you heard an A.A. recruiter accept that as a valid excuse for someone to continue drinking alcohol?

Francis Hartigan, the former secretary and confidant to Wilson's wife, Lois, has exhaustively researched his subject,

When Bill Wilson, with his friend Dr. Bob Smith, founded Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935, his hope was that AA would become a safe haven for those who suffered from this disease. Thirty years after his death, AA continues to help millions of alcoholics recover from what had been commonly regarded as a hopeless addiction. Still, while Wilson was a visionary for millions, he was no saint. After cofounding Alcoholics Anonymous, he stayed sober for over thirty-five years, helping countless thousands rebuild their lives. But at the same time, Wilson suffered form debilitating bouts of clinical depression, was a womanizer, and experimented with LSD.

Francis Hartigan, the former secretary and confidant to Wilson's wife, Lois, has exhaustively researched his subject, writing with a complete insider's knowledge. Drawing on extensive interviews with Lois Wilson and scores of early members of AA, he fully explores Wilson's organizational genius, his devotion to the cause, and almost martyr-like selflessness. That Wilson, like all of us, had to struggle with his own personal demons makes this biography all the more moving and inspirational. Hartigan reveals the story of Wilson's life to be as humorous, horrific, and powerful as any of the AA vignettes told daily around the world.

wives were called in Japan? The Chrysanthemums. Wives were invited to open meetings - well, not invited, but tolerated, and they definitely did parti

wives were called in Japan? The Chrysanthemums. Wives were invited to open meetings - well, not invited, but tolerated, and they definitely did participate!

Dr. Bob, as a doctor, believed in being cautious and advising people how to evaluate ideas and solutions

Dr. Bob, as a doctor, believed in being cautious and advising people how to evaluate ideas and solutions, to weigh them carefully - have everyone in agreement before taking action. Bill believed in putting the goal forward and aiming for it. No matter who liked it or who didn't like it: aim for that goal. Bill always thought way ahead. Dr. Bob was the monitor, evaluator, the ground level, the supporter of Bill's ideas, even perhaps not always agreeing with the timing of an idea. Another miracle! A perfect match! A wonderful partnership, indeed. Yes, Dr. Bob was the right person to balance Bill. His view was, Keep it simple. Bill had vision; that was one of his gifts - he could see the road ahead.

James's "The Varieties of Religious Experience" was very meaningful to him, as it was to many AAs both in those early years and since.

I always think how Bill was so much like the philosopher and writer William James. Both Bill and James were spiritual, though not necessarily deeply religious; they were also both pragmatic New Englanders. Bill had a way of talking about a deep faith inside himself the way James did. Bill liked to read about different interpretations of what God was like. He was very philosophical, and James's "The Varieties of Religious Experience" was very meaningful to him, as it was to many AAs both in those early years and since.

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to clinicians and researchers testifying before a Senate committee Thursday. "The internet is a perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors," Layden said. "To have drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it -- it's a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind." Pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever, Layden said. Jeffrey Satinover, a psychiatrist and advisor to the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality echoed Layden's concern about the internet and the somatic effects of pornography. "Pornography really does, unlike other addictions, biologically cause direct release of the most perfect addictive substance," Satinover said. "That is, it causes masturbation, which causes release of the naturally occurring opioids. It does what heroin can't do, in effect." The internet is dangerous because it removes the inefficiency in the delivery of pornography, making porn much more ubiquitous than in the days when guys in trench coats would sell nudie postcards, Satinover said. Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kansas), the subcommittee's chairman, called the hearing the most disturbing one he'd ever seen in the Senate. Brownback said porn was ubiquitous now, compared to when he was growing up and "some guy would sneak a magazine in somewhere and show some of us, but you had to find him at the right time."

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Reaching out with a helping hand is the way young people in Fairfield County have helped each other fight alcohol and drug addictions.

Whether at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or with a personal phone call or visit, peer-to-peer support has a proven track record of success, said Donna Aligata, executive director of Connecticut Turning to Youth and Families.She will be one of seven panelist speaking at the free program "Celebrating Recovery: The Power of Positive Peer Support Overcoming Alcohol and Drug Problems" Monday from 7 to 9 p.m. at Ridgefield Playhouse.Aligata, a nurse who worked in drug and alcohol clinics for 34 years, said, "We believe that on a grass-roots level we can build a system of support. This program is to make young adults feel safe to come out and ask for help."Two films produced and directed by Greg Williams, 25, of Newtown, who overcame drug and alcohol problems, will be shown. Both are about peer support as a model for recovery."After getting sober at 17, I got to witness hundreds of other young people succeed in recovery from drugs and alcohol, and then got to watch them take their personal experience and turn it around to offer recovery support to their peers," Williams said."I was inspired, and I knew that if I could tell their stories on video, others could see, hear and feel the power of peer support," he said.Williams' film "Central Pride" is about the peer-to-peer recovery program at Central High School in Bridgeport. Started four years ago with just three students, it now has more than 300 participants who help each other live drug and alcohol free.
Ridgefield addiction counselor Liz Jorgensen will be another panelist. "In my 23 years of experience, I have found that positive peer support is the difference between people staying sober and drug free and those who chronically relapse or die from the disease," she said.Jorgensen said the greater Danbury area has "the largest" community of young adults in the state who support each other this way.
"They take care of each other, drive each other to meetings, will take in another person who has been kicked out of their home, and work to get them back on their feet. It's a whole underground community. They do it because it keeps them sober, too."Ridgefield therapist Karen Walant, who wrote the book "Creating the Capacity for Attachment: Treating Addiction and the Alienated Self," will also be on the panel. Walant cited research that suggests the brain releases chemicals when a person is in a highly attached relationship. These chemicals make people feel good, she said. Addiction, on the other hand, is a "detachment disorder.""When people are isolated, the brain stops releasing these bio-chemicals," she said. "It's like an opioid withdrawal, with real feelings of pain from not being connected to others."
Peer support can provide the attachment that releases the bio-chemicals and helps end the withdrawal symptoms. At an AA meeting, when people share "their darkest emotions from the depth of their addiction, they get this release, this feeling, by getting peer support in reaction," Walant said.And that, she said, allows people to overcome their addictions and stay sober and drug free.

OLGA - On-Line Gamers Anonymous.

It says it’s is a, “fellowship of people sharing their experience, strengths and hope to help each other recover and heal from the problems caused by excessive game playing”.Need Help NOW? - it asks, going on, “For immediate assistance, the following options are always available »»»If someone is in our chat room, you can join in and get live help and support by clicking the “Chat Room” link at the top.
Are you considering suicide?If so, please contact your local Crisis Center. Call 911, to get connected, OR call the Suicide Hotline at 800-784-2433. You can also go to any emergency room. They have to help you, even if you have no money. Tell them that you are considering harming yourself.Suicide is a mental illness.(period) No sane mind thinks that “killing myself” is a way to resolve something. It is highly common in bipolar disorder. It is very treatable. Don’t think you can “work it out”, if you were healthy you would have never even thought like that.“YOU are WORTH saving, and YOU are the only person that can do anything about it!” - it adds.And as with most 12-step programmes, it also offers help to the relatives and other people who find themselves powerless over the addictions of their loved ones.

California man has been sentenced to 50 years to life in prison for shooting to death his Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor at a meeting.

Jurors in Long Beach convicted Scott Gordon Reynolds of first-degree murder in the slaying of 33-year-old Uriel Noriega.The 29-year-old Reynolds was sentenced Thursday. He testified he snapped after Noriega told other members at an AA meeting two years ago that Reynolds is gay. It's a secret confided by Reynolds to only his mother and AA sponsor.Reynolds claimed he brought the weapon to the meeting at a church because he planned to commit suicide in front of fellow AA members. But prosecutor Patrick O'Crowley says that motive was never substantiated during the trial for Reynolds.